from College Humor
The Old Swimming Hole
by Ellis Parker Butler
"The same old Jim! Jim, welcome back to the old hometown! And to think it is forty years since I saw you last, you old geezer, you! Do you remember --"
"The old swimming hole, Joe? You bet! Do you remember the time we got thirty-seven old boots out of it?"
"And the tin cans, Jim. Remember the day when we got three hundred and two old tin cans and the dead cat out of it?"
"The richest, ripest cat we ever got out of that old swimming hole, Joe. But there was a dog --"
"I remember the dog. The dog was ripe too, Jim."
"And the iron barrel hoops --"
"And the bedsprings --"
"And the busted pop bottles --"
"And the old stewpans, and tin roofing, and the mud, Jim!"
"Joe, you've got me weeping! You don't suppose the old swimming hole --"
"Is there still, Jim? I don't know. I haven't been out there for years. Jim, let's go out there and see if --"
"See if the old swimming hole is still there, Joe, bless its dear old heart!"
"There's a taxi. Taxi, we want to go to the corner of Pinkus Street and Jones Avenue. What? Well, will you look at that building! Will you just look at it! A twenty story building on the site of our old swimming --"
"The Lagermacher Natatorium and Baths. We'll go right in. What say, doorman? Pool on twentieth floor, he says, Jim. Well, what do you know about this, Jim? Our old swimming pool right here where --"
"Eighty feet long and thirty feet wide, I guess it, Joe. Lots of marble, ain't there? Well, if you ask me, Joe, I think it's a shame the way they ruin our old swimming --"
"Not an old boot, not a dead cat, not a broken bottle --"
"Come on, Joe; I can't stand this. Not a single tin can; not a barrel hoop. No muck. No slime. No black mud."
"Yes. I know. Jim, I'll bet you -- I'll bet you nobody has drowned a litter of pups in this pool since --"
"Don't! It's too much to bear. The old swimming pool! And not a cow's skull in it! My heart is broken. Not a mosquito! Not a single horse fly. Come away, Joe. I can't bear it."