• New Yorker (September 13, 1930)   "The 'Interoceanic Magazine' Takes After the Radio"   Humor. This piece (with many significant differences in the text) was also included in Hunting the Wow under the title "If Magazines Did." p 78-80.  [HARPER]

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from New Yorker
The 'Interoceanic Magazine' Takes After the Radio
by Ellis Parker Butler

This is the Interoceanic Magazine, New York, mailed at the second-class rate by authority of the United States Post Office Department, Elmer J. Gamble editing. Page one, "The Battle of the Marne," a reminiscent article by General Joseph M. Higgins, M. P., D. C., illustrated by Trent Hume, presented by the Dollopus Can Opener Company, manufacturers of the Dollopus Can Opener -- it's sharpened! If you have cans to open remember the Dollopus Can Opener, a size to fit every can. Thirty-two thousand manicurists say: "Use the Dollopus -- it saves the hands. Avoid ugly cuts and scratches. Use Dollopus -- it's sharpened!" ...

On the sixteenth my division -- the Seventy-second -- had advanced to the edge of the river where they were to await the arrival of the fifty-ninth Division, which had met severe opposition, having come face to face with Von Untergruest's Third Division, who were supported by the Berliner Schutzenfest with thirty-eight sixty-two-pounders and two troops of Uhlans. Just before dawn on the seventeenth --

This is the Interoceanic Magazine, New York, mailed at the second-class rate by authority of the United States Post Office Department, Myra Clegg assistant-editing. When you hear the musical note it will be exactly nine seconds after nine o'clock. This is a Scummins service. Scummins watches and clocks are now being shown by all drugstores. They tick! Get ready! Wong!

Word reached me that the Sixty-second Division had pushed on past the Seventy-second's right flank, taking Hill 954 without opposition. This presented a serious situation should Von Stumph throw the Dresdener Maennerchor into the gap between Casey and Peabody. I ordered McNulty to add the Sixty-second to the Thirty-ninth, thus making the One-Hundred-and-first, and so confusing the enemy. (To be continued.) ...

It's sharpened! It opens the can! Remember the name -- the Dollopus Can Opener, made by the Dollopus Can Opener Company, Dollopus, Ohio. It's sharpened!

This is the Interoceanic Magazine, New York, mailed at the second-class rate by authority of the United States Post Office Department, Edwin Bemis second-assistant-editing. Page three. Poem. "Spring;" by Ardelia Wendell. Illustrated by Ben Chuck. Presented by the Blue Shield Kitchenware and Notion Manufacturing Company and introduced by Lloyd Gibson. ...

WellfriendsIamagaingoingtotakeyou throughthefactoryoftheBlueShieldKit- chenwareandManufacturingCompany atCoonCreekNewHampshirewherelast weekwesawthebantsputton--pantsbut- tonsbeingmadeandthisweekwewillsee---

[And so on for two pages.]

This is the Interoceanic Magazine, New York, mailed at the second-class rate by authority of the United States Post Office Department, Edwin Bemis second-assistant-editing. You have just read the introduction to the poem "Spring," a poem by Ardelia Wendell, illustrated by Ben Chuck, the introduction by Lloyd Gibson. you will now read the poem "Spring" by Ardelia Wendell, which will be explained by Professor Norbert Spelter. ...

My dear friends, it is indeed a great pleasure to write this explanation of Miss Wendell's poem for you, because in it Miss Wendell expresses so beautifully the thoughts we all feel when the beauteous Spring arrives, bringing the flowers and the birds, and we hear them singing in the trees. You will notice, my dear friends and readers, that in this poem Miss Wendell makes use of a noun -- a plural noun -- in the first line and also in the second line, making two nouns, while she uses but one verb, thus securing an effect somewhat like a team of horses harnessed to one single lonely carriage, or buckboard. Miss Wendell was born and raised in Oklahoma, one of the states of this great country, and I am sure you will all enjoy her poem.

Spring: A Poem
by Ardelia Wendell
Illustrated by Ben Chuck

Now it's spring and gentle breezes
Shake the buds of all the treeses.

The Interoceanic Magazine maintains an Entertainment Agency through which any of its authors can be obtained for authors' readings.

This is the Interoceanic Magazine, New York, mailed at second-class rates by authority of the United States Post Office Department, Elmer J. Gamble editing. We are closing the forms at exactly twelve o-clock, Eastern Daylight Saving Time. Good night! God bless you!

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