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from Century Magazine
The Tearful Tale of Captain Dan
by Ellis Parker Butler
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A sinner was old Captain Dan;
His wives guv him no rest:
He had one wife to East Skiddaw
And one to Skiddaw West.Now Ann Eliza was the name
Of her at East Skiddaw;
She was the most cantankerous
Female you ever saw.I don't know but one crosser-grained,
And of this Captain Dan
She was the wife at Skiddaw West --
She was Eliza Ann.Well, this old skeesicks, Captain Dan,
He owned a ferryboat;
From East Skiddaw to Skiddaw West
That vessel used to float.She was as trim a ferry-craft
As ever I did see,
And on each end a p'inted bow
And pilothouse had she.She had two bows that way, so when
She went acrost the sound
She could, to oncet, run back ag'in
Without a-turnin' round.Now Captain Dan he sailed that boat
For nigh on twenty year
Acrost that sound and back ag'in,
Like I have stated here.And never oncet in all them years
Had Ann Eliza guessed
That Dan he had another wife
So nigh as Skiddaw West.![]()
Likewise, Eliza Ann was blind,
Howas she never saw
As Dan he had another wife
Acrost to East Skiddaw.The way he fooled them female wives
Was by a simple plan
That come into the artful brain
Of that there Captain Dan.With paint upon that ferry-craft,
In letters plain to see,
Upon the bow -- to wit, both ends --
Her name he painted she.Upon the bow toward East Skiddaw
This sinful Captain Dan
He painted just one single word --
The same which it was "Ann";And on the bow toward Skiddaw West
He likewise put one name,
And not no more; and I will state
"Eliza" was that same.Thus, when she berthed to Skiddaw West
Eliza Ann could see
How Dan for love and gratitood
Had named her after she;And likewise when to East Skiddaw
That boat bow-foremost came,
His Ann Eliza plain could see
The vessel bore her name.Thuswise for nigh on twenty year,
As I remarked before
Dan cumfuscated them two wives
And sailed from shore to shore.![]()
I reckon he might, to this day,
Have kept his sinful ways
And fooled them trustin' female wives,
Except there come a haze:It was a thick November haze
Accompanied by frost,
And Dan, in steerin' 'crost the sound,
He got his bearin's lost.So Dan he cast his anchor out,
And anchored on the sound;
And when the haze riz some next day,
His boat had swung clean round.So, not bethinkin' how it was,
Dan steered for Skiddaw West;
For he had sot up all that night,
And shorely needed rest.Well, when into his ferry-slip
His ferry-craft he ran,
Upon the shore he seen his wife:
To wit, Eliza Ann.![]()
Says he, "I'll tie this vessel up
And rest about a week;
I need a rest," and 't was just then
He heard an awful shriek."O Villyun!" shrieked Eliza Ann.
"Oh! What -- what do I see?
You don't not love me any more!
You've done deserted me!"She pointed to that ferry-craft
With one wild, vicious stare.
Dan looked and seen the telltale name
Of "Ann" a-painted there!What could he do? He done his best!
"Lost! Lost! Alas!" he cried;
And, kicking off his rubber boots,
Jumped overboard — and died!
www.ellisparkerbutler.info
Saturday, October 07 at 5:10:51am USA Central